zenelly: (KH - Sora Stairs)
 there's a lot going on right now, between everything that's happening internationally and everything that's happening here at home too. it's tough to keep my head above water, but for the most part, i'm managing.

i mean, it's not a luxurious existence, but it's a working one. we have enough for some good things. and with time, everything is rewarded.

(so i keep telling myself.)

BUT AH. I NEED TO FOCUS. So i think it's time for me to go into my room, close the door, plug in the headphones, and try and focus on writing. i'm just shaking from all the stuff that's happening tonight and sick with the fact that there's nothing i can do other than hope it'll all turn out alright. hopefully something will pop up here soon that's a fundraiser or something because. damn. fuck man, idk i just want to help.

If i didn't need to go pick up my girlfriend in a couple of hours, i'd probably be drinking.

Hah!

Aug. 12th, 2015 07:45 am
zenelly: (KH - Liquid Wisdom)
 Alright, so I'm already feeling a lot better today. Like, I can actually focus on things and I might be able to get work done! Hooray! This is excellent. Kind of glad I'm out of that particular funk.

(Protip, kids, menopause at 24 sucks ass.)

But hey, if I can focus, that means I can work, and if I can work, that means that I can spread it out with some sprints, so I might be able to get some work done on my OPRevBang piece, and get some stuff going on my other things too. Maybe. Hopefully. At least the RevBang thing. I sort of have a bit more of a deadline on that one ;;

Either way, Patfuss should have put up one of his podcasts yesterday, so I can listen to those. They're always at least entertaining.
zenelly: (Chad - This Beat)
Alright, so I currently have request slots open at [livejournal.com profile] kh_request!! Ten of them this time, and, as always, it's first come first serve.

I'm serious, you guys, request stuff. I like the challenge, and I like writing for you people.



Thread is here:
KH Request Post!!
zenelly: (Digimon - You Are My Sunshine)
You might have noticed that I didn't post anything NaNo related. That's because I got stuck on the part I was writing, so I just time-skipped until I knew what was going on.

Which was HUGELY PLOT RELEATED

So I'll just leave off on the posting until I like a description or a passage or something.

Another thing. It has come to my attention that I'm a pretty bad LJ friend. I mean, I have a few people who take the time to comment on my fics, and I don't comment back on theirs ([livejournal.com profile] theplumtomato, bb, I love you, I just have a case of permanent shyness, and I'm getting over it) even though I read them.

I'M GOING TO FIX THAT.

Also.

um.

shit, forgot what I was going to say.

MY 21ST BIRTHDAY IS IN TWO WEEKS! TWO SUNDAYS FROM NOW, I WILL BE ABLE TO BUY BOOZE AND GO TO BARS, ETC.

but that wasn't what I was going to say.

Right, I promised all you fic people that I'd post the request fics that I've written here, didn't I. Well. Let me get on that, hm?
zenelly: (Submit)
There are some no bueno things going on right now.

like, seriously not good things.

I'll get back to you guys when everything straightens out a bit more, okay?

Okay.

Love you all.
zenelly: (SPN - Castiel Headtilt)
Not dead, just busy, I swear.

ONE MORE WEEK OF WORK. It turns out that I miscalculated last week. I leave work next Thursday. (Hopefully, I won't have another fiasco with that whole "accidentally leaving the porn flash drive at work" thing like I did last year.) SAN JAPAN THIS WEEKEND, SUPER EXCITE!! I might get to see [livejournal.com profile] pandapplesaurus there, too! *waves* I'll be the person dressed normally with a Red Scout and N Harmonia on Friday and with Dib and Zim on Saturday. (N will be back on Sunday, but I'm not cosplaying this con. Too little time, too much to do)

Um. I'd love to say that I've been writing, but that would be a bare-faced lie. I haven't written a word of anything outside of fleshing out some ideas since last ... Thursday. What in the world have I been doing in the meantime (as I *cough*erroneously*cough* assume you're wondering)?

Reading.

Like, reading a lot of fic for fandoms that I've just let stew for a while. Especially you, Inception fandom, hello there THard and JGL and all of the sexy that comes along with you. *cough* That aside... There's one thing that I've been noticing a lot of. In fics, in general, not just Inception fics, and I'm not exactly sure how to go about talking about it.

Well.

Um.

Masochism.

As in, getting off on recieving pain, etc etc, you all read fics, you know what I'm talking about.

I don't... I don't like how it's portrayed in fics, because for me it's not an accurate description. (It's like reading the parts in blowjob fics where the author mentions teeth-on-cock during the blowjob, and I have heard from multiple guys, straight, gay, bi, that that does not, in any way, feel good.) Because I am a masochist. Things that should register as pain for other people turn me on. Whipping and what-have-you. *handwaves*

That's not the important part.

The important part is the fact that in all these fics, I keep hearing about the pain aspect of it, or the fic is told from the pain-giver's PoV. (and I can bet that anyone reading this is going to be like "...but Zene, it's MASOCHISM, hello PAIN" but see, that's where you're wrong.)

For me, I don't feel pain. Like, I CAN feel it. Certain things, like hot glue or cuts, do register as pain normally. I stub my toe and that shit is PAINFUL. But on the flip side, I can also (this is a true story) get my lanyard caught on my desk and it will drag across the back of my neck, giving me a small case of ropeburn on my neck and causing me to have to sit at my desk for a few minutes while I try to get my breathing back under control and my eyes are having trouble focusing because that felt so good.

But the point is that, while getting the ropeburn was a painful thing, I never actually FELT any of it. I didn't actively feel pain, I just registered it as "rough texture, feels good" and it was hard enough that it felt REALLY good.

So really, my point is that I don't know if any of the people writing the fics are actually masochists, because I'm not always sure that they know how it really feels. Because, let me tell you, pain does NOT come into it. IF there's a bit of a bite to it, it doesn't feel any different than someone dragging their nails across your skin. A tiny little counterpoint that really just gives a more definite LOCATION for where the pleasure is.

I TOLD YOU ALL THAT TO EMBARRASS YOU SO I COULD TELL YOU THIS:

I am totally writing a Seifer/Hayner fic where Hayner's a masochist. It's mostly going to be me exploring how best to explain my own masochism (because, hey, everyone's different, maybe other people DO feel pain? Maybe I just have a really high threshold? I don't know) in terms of fic. Also because Seifer/Hayner is my go-to pairing when kinky shit is about to go down, because I can't get a plotbunny for them to save my life, but DAMN do those boys want to get into bed with each other.

...um.

TL;DR, I'm writing a porny fic with Seifer/Hayner because I am dissatified with general fandom portrayal of masochism.
zenelly: (SPN - Dean Laugh)
Apparently for me, 'tis the season for Zene to get tons of fic ideas. Seriously. Long ones. Like, case and point, a brief outline of the ones I've thought of so far. (yes yes, previews of fics I am working on, short one-shots not included)

1. Death Note - Matt/Mello FBI AU where Mello's a genius who graduated from college at like, 14, and now works for the FBI, Matt's a high school dropout because he was too bored in school to do the work, and Mello thinks that Matt's a waste of space and abuses him into getting a degree. Also, Matt has a crush on Mello's computer. (No, really, I'm serious. It's funnier than it sounds, I swear)

2. Kingdom Hearts - AkuRoku Being Alive AU where Axel's the jaded single friend among all of his dating/married/going to be married couple-friends and Roxas doesn't even make a dent in his radar until he unjades himself.

3. Kingdom Hearts - Zemyx Being Alive AU prequel where Demyx and Axel are dating and Demyx freaks out because he doesn't know if Axel is the one and ends up meeting/falling in love with Zexion.

4. Kingdom Hearts - Zemyx Insomniac!Zexion AU where Demyx accidentally befriends Zexion, who turns out to be an insomniac and calls/disturbs/creeps on Demyx at all hours of the day but particularly inappropriate ones like 4 am. But he does it out of love. Because Zexion's obsessive like that. Demyx has no idea what he's just gotten himself into.

Also, every Seifer/Hayner fic I try to write ends up with them having sex. Like, I can't come up with a plotline, but BOY do they want to get in bed with each other.

*sigh*

Jun. 28th, 2011 08:09 am
zenelly: (THOUGHT WHAT IS THOUGHT)
So, I have an AkuRoku fic planned, right? Right. And it's going to be an AKUROKU fic, none of this Zemyx nonsense that plauges all of my other fics (mind you, Zemyx will still be there, just pre-established).

But I'm a little stuck on the plot.

So what does my brain come up with first?

THE ZEMYX PREQUEL.

*glares at brain* YOU ARE BEING UNHELPFUL.

Alright, I'm out. I'm trying to write bits and pieces of the request fics (that homg, have taken me so long, I am so sorry) and get everything else in order as well. Summer makes me think of fics, apparently?

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Zenelly Raen

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