zenelly: (Digimon - Happy Family)
Okay, so I'm home in Texas finally which is nice, because this semester has lasted a FUCKING YEAR! I'm glad that I have less responsibility here, but I miss my girlfriend. She stayed up in South Dakota for the time being.



I can tell you this much about what I've been writing: Seiner is coming first up, and you guys are going to HATE ME for this. Hopefully, TTB will be after that, and then I get to start working on all the various one shots AND REQUEST FICS and other stuff that I've been compiling ideas for, such as LAPDANCING ZEMYX FIC.

(By the way, if I've promised anyone fic that ISN'T a request on kh_request, because I have notifications for those sitting there glaring at me, LET ME KNOW.)

(also, jsadlfasdf new KH:DDD trailer holy shit skaflsdaf)
zenelly: (Digimon - You Are My Sunshine)
Alright guys, I think that I'm back for now.

Of course, NDK starts tomorrow, so I might not have too much access to the internet in the next couple of days, but eh.

I'm still not going to go into what happened, because I'm still not sure what all happened. Needless to say, these past five days have been absolutely insane with the emotional ups and downs and all arounds that my particular circle of friends has been through. Insane, I tell you. One of those situations where you end up just staring at the events that have happened and giving up because you're too tired and frustrated to deal with it.

But it didn't happen directly to me, just to one of my closest friends, and because of that, we all sorta got involved. At least on the periphery, which hurts almost as much as being straight in the middle.

I still haven't written anything between getting cosplays ready and dealing with the fallout, but I'm hoping that I'll have around an hour today to get at least SOMETHING written on paper.

Hold me to it, guys.

Also, what would you think about doing your first fic in a fandom for a holiday exchange thing? Think someone should get more of a hold on the characters first?

Aw damn

Aug. 13th, 2011 11:29 am
zenelly: (AkuRoku - Cold outside)
It is AkuRoku day. And I don't know what to write for it.




Aug. 10th, 2011 04:35 pm
zenelly: (Edo - Tattoo)
Alright, question.

Does anyone really care if I just start posting the masochism fic as is? Like, another WIP? Because I could and it might be fun to have something that has a little bit less of a definite timeline (and hey, it might mean more Seifer/Hayner porn for you guys).

Just something to think about.


Aug. 9th, 2011 11:29 am
zenelly: (Ken - Stressing)
I really need a title for this suddenly HUGELY EXPANDING Masochism fic that I'm writing for Seifer/Hayner. Like, I haven't been able to write for the last week and a half, but I'm plotting the hell out of this piece and I just... I need to title it before I actually start writing it.
zenelly: (SPN - Castiel Headtilt)
Not dead, just busy, I swear.

ONE MORE WEEK OF WORK. It turns out that I miscalculated last week. I leave work next Thursday. (Hopefully, I won't have another fiasco with that whole "accidentally leaving the porn flash drive at work" thing like I did last year.) SAN JAPAN THIS WEEKEND, SUPER EXCITE!! I might get to see [livejournal.com profile] pandapplesaurus there, too! *waves* I'll be the person dressed normally with a Red Scout and N Harmonia on Friday and with Dib and Zim on Saturday. (N will be back on Sunday, but I'm not cosplaying this con. Too little time, too much to do)

Um. I'd love to say that I've been writing, but that would be a bare-faced lie. I haven't written a word of anything outside of fleshing out some ideas since last ... Thursday. What in the world have I been doing in the meantime (as I *cough*erroneously*cough* assume you're wondering)?


Like, reading a lot of fic for fandoms that I've just let stew for a while. Especially you, Inception fandom, hello there THard and JGL and all of the sexy that comes along with you. *cough* That aside... There's one thing that I've been noticing a lot of. In fics, in general, not just Inception fics, and I'm not exactly sure how to go about talking about it.




As in, getting off on recieving pain, etc etc, you all read fics, you know what I'm talking about.

I don't... I don't like how it's portrayed in fics, because for me it's not an accurate description. (It's like reading the parts in blowjob fics where the author mentions teeth-on-cock during the blowjob, and I have heard from multiple guys, straight, gay, bi, that that does not, in any way, feel good.) Because I am a masochist. Things that should register as pain for other people turn me on. Whipping and what-have-you. *handwaves*

That's not the important part.

The important part is the fact that in all these fics, I keep hearing about the pain aspect of it, or the fic is told from the pain-giver's PoV. (and I can bet that anyone reading this is going to be like "...but Zene, it's MASOCHISM, hello PAIN" but see, that's where you're wrong.)

For me, I don't feel pain. Like, I CAN feel it. Certain things, like hot glue or cuts, do register as pain normally. I stub my toe and that shit is PAINFUL. But on the flip side, I can also (this is a true story) get my lanyard caught on my desk and it will drag across the back of my neck, giving me a small case of ropeburn on my neck and causing me to have to sit at my desk for a few minutes while I try to get my breathing back under control and my eyes are having trouble focusing because that felt so good.

But the point is that, while getting the ropeburn was a painful thing, I never actually FELT any of it. I didn't actively feel pain, I just registered it as "rough texture, feels good" and it was hard enough that it felt REALLY good.

So really, my point is that I don't know if any of the people writing the fics are actually masochists, because I'm not always sure that they know how it really feels. Because, let me tell you, pain does NOT come into it. IF there's a bit of a bite to it, it doesn't feel any different than someone dragging their nails across your skin. A tiny little counterpoint that really just gives a more definite LOCATION for where the pleasure is.


I am totally writing a Seifer/Hayner fic where Hayner's a masochist. It's mostly going to be me exploring how best to explain my own masochism (because, hey, everyone's different, maybe other people DO feel pain? Maybe I just have a really high threshold? I don't know) in terms of fic. Also because Seifer/Hayner is my go-to pairing when kinky shit is about to go down, because I can't get a plotbunny for them to save my life, but DAMN do those boys want to get into bed with each other.


TL;DR, I'm writing a porny fic with Seifer/Hayner because I am dissatified with general fandom portrayal of masochism.
zenelly: (SPN - Dean Laugh)
Apparently for me, 'tis the season for Zene to get tons of fic ideas. Seriously. Long ones. Like, case and point, a brief outline of the ones I've thought of so far. (yes yes, previews of fics I am working on, short one-shots not included)

1. Death Note - Matt/Mello FBI AU where Mello's a genius who graduated from college at like, 14, and now works for the FBI, Matt's a high school dropout because he was too bored in school to do the work, and Mello thinks that Matt's a waste of space and abuses him into getting a degree. Also, Matt has a crush on Mello's computer. (No, really, I'm serious. It's funnier than it sounds, I swear)

2. Kingdom Hearts - AkuRoku Being Alive AU where Axel's the jaded single friend among all of his dating/married/going to be married couple-friends and Roxas doesn't even make a dent in his radar until he unjades himself.

3. Kingdom Hearts - Zemyx Being Alive AU prequel where Demyx and Axel are dating and Demyx freaks out because he doesn't know if Axel is the one and ends up meeting/falling in love with Zexion.

4. Kingdom Hearts - Zemyx Insomniac!Zexion AU where Demyx accidentally befriends Zexion, who turns out to be an insomniac and calls/disturbs/creeps on Demyx at all hours of the day but particularly inappropriate ones like 4 am. But he does it out of love. Because Zexion's obsessive like that. Demyx has no idea what he's just gotten himself into.

Also, every Seifer/Hayner fic I try to write ends up with them having sex. Like, I can't come up with a plotline, but BOY do they want to get in bed with each other.


Jun. 28th, 2011 08:09 am
So, I have an AkuRoku fic planned, right? Right. And it's going to be an AKUROKU fic, none of this Zemyx nonsense that plauges all of my other fics (mind you, Zemyx will still be there, just pre-established).

But I'm a little stuck on the plot.

So what does my brain come up with first?


*glares at brain* YOU ARE BEING UNHELPFUL.

Alright, I'm out. I'm trying to write bits and pieces of the request fics (that homg, have taken me so long, I am so sorry) and get everything else in order as well. Summer makes me think of fics, apparently?
zenelly: (Demyx)
Alright, I'm fairly certain that you all noticed that I'm terribly absent on weekends. This is deliberate. Mostly because I'm on the computer so much during the week.


Minor updates.

I am going to see Steven Sondheim's Company today. That promises to be fantastic, and I'm SO looking forward to it because I am already plotting an AkuRoku fic that is inspired by one song in the musical. Yes, yes, an AKUROKU fic. Not Zemyx (though they will play a part, but they're going to be pre-established, not getting together for once).

Hopefully seeing the musical (as performed by Neil Patrick Harris) will help with the ideas.

Uh, working on requests, I am I am, I promise. I'm trying to write them well, not just write them and be done with it. *shrugs* Also, TTB Chapter 4 is getting worked on! It just hit over 1k (and that should tell you how much trouble I'm having with it), and I think that it's finally hitting a stride that I can keep working on. Had to adjust some of the timing and setting, and that took me a while to do.

May one-shot of "69 Thing that Turn You On" is also in progress. First scene is almost entirely written and the rest of it has more of a coherent flow to it.

AAAAnd with that, I'm going to be heading off. Toodles!


Jun. 15th, 2011 07:03 am
zenelly: (Inception - Footsies)
Guess who forgot her flashdrive that has all her fics on it!

*points at self*


Ah well, luckily there are fic prompts for me to get working on. ([livejournal.com profile] xtorchlightx, your prompt won't be one of those because I had parts of it written on said flash drive. I'm sorry... *sweatdrop*)
zenelly: (Dean - Laugh)
It is a good sign when you can't stop giggling at one of your own scenes while writing.

*looks at passage*


Oh jeez.
zenelly: (Star Trek - Kiss and um....)
Ahahahahahaha, writing porn writing porn writing pooooorrrrnnnn

filthy dirty porn

and I'm getting too embarrassed to wriiiite iiiitttt.

(*crawls away to hide face that is red enough to light a country for a week*)

Point is, I wrote two things. One is a short little P'R'U 'verse thing that I'll post up later, because I want to clean it up. Second is a random Axel/Saix half-drabble(?) that I thought up in the space of two minutes and posted in a comment before I could forget it over on [livejournal.com profile] onemoreparadise's LJ. I'll post that too. Cleaning it up first, but I'll post them both.

Jeez, I need to wake up at 4:30 more often.

Okay, back to bed.
zenelly: (L is always Watching)
So, the February one-shot is the Death Note one (only because it has to do with Valentines Day, and I promised myself last year that I would write it), and I never realized before how much I was hurting last year when I came up with the plot-line.

See, last year around this time, I was going through a big bit of irrational jealousy over my two best friends and a bit of relationship stuff (or lack-thereof), and it's still bleeding through every bit of this ficlet. I mean, I thought I had gotten over it, but apparently, no, no I haven't. Not to mention that I don't like it when the characters don't end up happy.

(The only thing that last sentence means is that I'm going to write a follow-up fic where Mello gets his head out of his ass and actually DOES SOMETHING about Matt and his feelings. So February is a two-fer.)

I never knew that I could get this sad just by writing a fic. I'm not too sure how well it all came through, though, especially since I don't like talking about it myself.

Oh well, time to see, I guess.

ETA: Also, got my nails painted yesterday. They're a lovely shade of blue. And every time I look at them, all I can think is "OMG THEY LOOK LIKE SAILOR MERCURY'S NAILS". And then I sorta want to facepalm.


Jan. 22nd, 2011 12:06 am
zenelly: (Sora - Stairs)
So, I've hit a small block on the TimeTraveler!Sora fic, but that's okay. I'm having Pixie, ([livejournal.com profile] prettypixiechan, and my roommate Tyna take a look at it to tell me what they think I should do next.

INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT IT, HOWEVER! I'm going to post a few snippets of TTB Chapter 1, TTB Chapter 2, and the TimeTraveler!Sora fic.


Snippets below cut )

Alright, so there you have it! I'm having fun writing these, so I hope you like them!


Jan. 3rd, 2011 12:30 am
zenelly: (Not Alone)
Now, you have to understand before I begin this that I'm not whining in any way about what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. I'm just putting this up here for comparison.

For The Twilight Between, I have the first chapter written, the second one about half-way done, and I finished outlining all of the chapters. I'm now working on the outlines and first chapter for Devil in Your Hands. This is not what I want to bring to your attention.

What I want to bring to your attention is this:

I have a document on my computer. It is called "TTB and DiYH Chapter Outlines". This is the document where I have a plot synopsis for every goddamned chapter, and bits and pieces of stuff that I have written for those chapters before I start the REAL work on them. Any snippet I have posted here is in that document.

I have ANOTHER document, called "TTB OUTLINE" (yes in all caps). This document is a character development thing. This is what I wrote when I was just first having the idea for it, and the only thing I knew was that Demyx was empathic and that he didn't know what to do about it. It was the plot developing document, where I wrote down every idea I had for the story and finally began to flesh it out.

I also have YET ANOTHER DOCUMENT called "Two Story Ideas". This is where I write any idea I have for a fic. Anything. It has half of Mnemonic in it, none of Silence is Golden, the beginning of Pants 'R' US, and the very first piece of TTB that I wrote. (It has WAY MORE THAN THAT on it, too)

...Now, you might be wondering why I'm talking about this.

I just...wanted to say this.

Between these three documents, two of which exclusively deal with TTB, I have over TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND WORDS, just talking about fic ideas that aren't fully fleshed out. "Two Story Ideas" is just as long as the final version of Pants 'R' Us, and it deals with over twenty-five separate stories. At most, I have one thousand words for a story in there. Some of them are only sentances, others paragraphs. "TTB OUTLINE" is seven thousand words. Just talking about the bare bones of TTB and DIYH.

I never really put that much stock into how much I really plan these things out.


Sorry, I just felt like I should mention that.
zenelly: (Sora - Stairs)
I know that TTB is probably the most ... anticipated of my works so far (murrhurrhurr, listen to me talk like I'm all important and stuff), and I just wanted to let everyone know what's going on with that.

TTB updates! )

So, sort of to tide you over, here's a small excerpt from TBB!

A hollow, dreading sensation echoes within him. He wants to run outside, call Zexion back and keep him near always. (The last time he has been so well for so many days in a row had been years ago, and he wants to know what it is about Zexion that makes him smooth and unhurting.)

Pressing his hands against the cold window, Demyx yearns. His fingers are leaving vapor outlines on the glass, and for a half second, he expects it to melt and let him through. When it doesn’t, he sighs, leaning harder into the window, towards Zexion. It feels like a line is cast from his mind, straining and stretching for Zexion. But the feeling is only mental, and the thread is formless, insubstantial, and Demyx never knows if it ever reaches him.

(But Zexion turns around and looks up at him, and that will have to be enough.)

Hope it's living up to what you're hoping for!

Aaaand onto Real Life stuff )
zenelly: (AkuRoku - Cold outside)
So, thank you all for your ideas on what to write as an ending! I love reading what people would do if it were their story, and it does help. Really, it does, even if I don't end up using your suggestion.

(I might not use certain suggestions because of the way I want to tell the story, but that makes them no less good, really. Killing Demyx off? Great suggestion. Surprise twist ending? Also great suggestion. And I'll look at them closely, even as I write. Plans change a lot when I write, so nothing is really set.)


I sat down with my beta and girl-friend [livejournal.com profile] prettypixiechan and told her the entire plot of the story that I had so far (which is long and involved and was, at that point, still mostly in my head), and she gave me some REALLY GOOD IDEAS for how to end it.

So I did.


Mind you, I want a buffer zone on this fic. Don't expect any chapters up until I have two or three done, because I don't want to make this drag on forever, and my schedule is unforgiving at best.

But TTB and DiYH are on the way!

*furious fistpumping*

Also, it is snowing in South Dakota.


((And I turn 20 in two days, wheee!))
zenelly: (Jesus Beam)
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF, how would you end a really long story about an empath and the person that the empath loves that involves several bad days, a few breakdowns, some non-con and dub-con, a couple of very worried friends, kissing, intimacy issues, and a really bad thing that I just now decided to not mention because I think it'll have more impact if I don't say anything?


(augh, can you tell that I'm having trouble with TTB?)


No, seriously, just type out really nonsensical ideas, ignore the specifics. Just give me something. Anything. I work best when people give me ideas, and then I spin them off into things that aren't even related, because it made me think.


zenelly: (Default)
Zenelly Raen

June 2017



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