zenelly: (SPN - Castiel Headtilt)
Not dead, just busy, I swear.

ONE MORE WEEK OF WORK. It turns out that I miscalculated last week. I leave work next Thursday. (Hopefully, I won't have another fiasco with that whole "accidentally leaving the porn flash drive at work" thing like I did last year.) SAN JAPAN THIS WEEKEND, SUPER EXCITE!! I might get to see [livejournal.com profile] pandapplesaurus there, too! *waves* I'll be the person dressed normally with a Red Scout and N Harmonia on Friday and with Dib and Zim on Saturday. (N will be back on Sunday, but I'm not cosplaying this con. Too little time, too much to do)

Um. I'd love to say that I've been writing, but that would be a bare-faced lie. I haven't written a word of anything outside of fleshing out some ideas since last ... Thursday. What in the world have I been doing in the meantime (as I *cough*erroneously*cough* assume you're wondering)?

Reading.

Like, reading a lot of fic for fandoms that I've just let stew for a while. Especially you, Inception fandom, hello there THard and JGL and all of the sexy that comes along with you. *cough* That aside... There's one thing that I've been noticing a lot of. In fics, in general, not just Inception fics, and I'm not exactly sure how to go about talking about it.

Well.

Um.

Masochism.

As in, getting off on recieving pain, etc etc, you all read fics, you know what I'm talking about.

I don't... I don't like how it's portrayed in fics, because for me it's not an accurate description. (It's like reading the parts in blowjob fics where the author mentions teeth-on-cock during the blowjob, and I have heard from multiple guys, straight, gay, bi, that that does not, in any way, feel good.) Because I am a masochist. Things that should register as pain for other people turn me on. Whipping and what-have-you. *handwaves*

That's not the important part.

The important part is the fact that in all these fics, I keep hearing about the pain aspect of it, or the fic is told from the pain-giver's PoV. (and I can bet that anyone reading this is going to be like "...but Zene, it's MASOCHISM, hello PAIN" but see, that's where you're wrong.)

For me, I don't feel pain. Like, I CAN feel it. Certain things, like hot glue or cuts, do register as pain normally. I stub my toe and that shit is PAINFUL. But on the flip side, I can also (this is a true story) get my lanyard caught on my desk and it will drag across the back of my neck, giving me a small case of ropeburn on my neck and causing me to have to sit at my desk for a few minutes while I try to get my breathing back under control and my eyes are having trouble focusing because that felt so good.

But the point is that, while getting the ropeburn was a painful thing, I never actually FELT any of it. I didn't actively feel pain, I just registered it as "rough texture, feels good" and it was hard enough that it felt REALLY good.

So really, my point is that I don't know if any of the people writing the fics are actually masochists, because I'm not always sure that they know how it really feels. Because, let me tell you, pain does NOT come into it. IF there's a bit of a bite to it, it doesn't feel any different than someone dragging their nails across your skin. A tiny little counterpoint that really just gives a more definite LOCATION for where the pleasure is.

I TOLD YOU ALL THAT TO EMBARRASS YOU SO I COULD TELL YOU THIS:

I am totally writing a Seifer/Hayner fic where Hayner's a masochist. It's mostly going to be me exploring how best to explain my own masochism (because, hey, everyone's different, maybe other people DO feel pain? Maybe I just have a really high threshold? I don't know) in terms of fic. Also because Seifer/Hayner is my go-to pairing when kinky shit is about to go down, because I can't get a plotbunny for them to save my life, but DAMN do those boys want to get into bed with each other.

...um.

TL;DR, I'm writing a porny fic with Seifer/Hayner because I am dissatified with general fandom portrayal of masochism.

BORED

Jul. 21st, 2010 01:03 pm
zenelly: (Sleep Matt)
Agggrh, I'm BORED. What the hell did I do at work?

Oh yeah, wrote fanfics.

But now Mnemonic is done. And I'm... well, I still have to figure out the middle and end of a one-shot whose INTRODUCTION alone is 3.3k. And I have to figure out how to even START the next fic, not to mention come up with a plot for it, because I think I want to lay out the entire plot instead of flying by on the seat of my pants, like I did with Silence is Golden and Mnemonic (after it was screwed, that is).

*poutpout*

When you read as fast as I do, the internet gets VERY boring VERY fast.

Damn it.

Why am I able to read novel-length fics in a day? Not even a day! A FEW HOURS.

Under this cut will be me talking about the two writing projects I have, because I can, and because I need to talk about them somewhere, and I left my phone at home, so texting my beta and my captain is no longer an option. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED FOR THESE STORIES (at least a little), DO NOT KEEP READING )
zenelly: (Cleon - Teasing)
For not getting more work done on Mnemonic, that is. See, I got a job interning at a power plant, and I work ten-hour shifts, and since the plant is over an hour's drive away, I'm up at 4:30 am to get to the car pool by 5:30 am, so I can get to the plant by 6:45 so I can start work at 7, and then I'm working until 5:30 pm, and then it's an hour home, so I get home at 7 pm, and I have to go to sleep by 9 pm to get up the next day.

*Siiiiigh*

I'm getting paid a truly ridiculous amount of money, though, so it's all good.

And besides, I'm bored as all hell at work, so I'm writing in between looking busy and playing endless games of Solitaire.

In other words, I came up with two new stories that I want to write.

....on top of the like FIFTEEN OTHERS that are on the plate somewhere.

I dunno, they're funny as all hell, though. And for your viewing pleasure, I'mma give you a snippet of one of them. Juuuust for kicks and giggles.

Preview here! )

Aaaaand that's it! I have more written (and boy, is it turning out entertaining) and I think it'll be a oneshot. Finally. I seem to have issues writing shorter stories. I mean, god, look at what happened to the second chapter of Mnemonic.

Yes, by the way, I am working on the third chapter. It's just coming slowly as of right now.
zenelly: (T'hy'la)
Apparently, my fics have this strange fondness for taking sudden, wildly different directions in the middle of writing them. I'm not too sure how much I enjoy this.

Example: Silence is Golden.

Spoilers for Silence is Golden, but I'm honestly assuming that most of you have already read it )

So, that's the explanation of how SiG changed. In much less general terms, here's how Mnemonic is doing.






*insert train wreck here*






...yeah.... I wish I could say more than that, but really, I can't. It's just...you'll see when the second chapter shows up. Really, I thought SiG got away from its roots. I mean, I like how it ended, and I know I'll like how Mnemonic ends, but I have to completely redraft the last chapter and pretty much am having to redo a ton of the second chapter and add in so much other stuff, but I didn't think it would go as far as this.

I WAS WRONG.

And on another, completely unrelated note, Chris Pine has ridiculously pretty eyes, and a lovely crooked smile.

*siiigh*

Apr. 12th, 2010 10:11 pm
zenelly: (Squall brood)
I swear to God, one day, I will finally finish that game.

That game being Final Fantasy Eight.

I always manage to get to like, the third disk and am in the middle of leveling to 100, get there with about three of my characters, and then something comes up. By the time I get back to it, it's been about a half-year to a year, and I can't remember what all has happened, and I want to replay the beginning again.

So I restart the game.

AGAIN.

RINSE AND REPEAT.

To be fair, Squall's pretty enough to look at through all those cutscenes.... *purrs*
zenelly: (Zemyx OTP)
*growls at plotbunnies*

Cut for your F-lists, since you probably don't want to see me ranting about Silence is Golden AGAIN )

*sighs*

....

Alright, I'm done ranting now. It's okay. *takes a deep breath*

Good news, though, I'm finally working past that block on SiG, so it's getting somewhere (*mutters* Finally).

MORE GOOD NEWS. I did a piece of fanart. For a fic. That I'm going to offer up as a sacrifice unto the altar of Dual's amazingness and hope she likes it.

...please let her like it....

Fic stuff

Feb. 19th, 2010 01:07 pm
zenelly: (Woe)
So I looked through my list of stuff that I have (the master list of fanfiction I want to write eventually) and I realized that I have a few of them done, partly. I'm not sure where else to go with them aside from where they already are.

And then there are a few that I just want to write.

Yes, the majority of them are Zemyx, but there's a Hamlet one in there, one that's just Demyx-centric and at least one of them is a Death Note one.

I have a question to ask myself though.

If I'm such a happy-endings type of person, why the hell do I torture the characters so?

*foams at mouth*

Seriously, the Death Note one is Angst-tastic (but I can't get it out of my head, so you might be seeing it around), and none of the other ones are really just fluffy. It kinda bugs me that I'm going against my own things.

*sighs* Maybe I'm just unreasonable.
zenelly: (Default)
So yeah. Here again. Just going to let you all in on the fact that it's still my break, but in four days, I'm going back up to college in the frozen north (I love it, I promise) and I'll be online...waaaaay more often than I am right now. Because now, all my friends are here, not two days' worth of driving away.

Silence is Golden Updates for whom it may concern )

Good news, though.

My puppy (who is eleven years old and ninety pounds) is ADORABLE when she sleeps. *coos* Lookit her feet-sies twitch!

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Zenelly Raen

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