zenelly: (KH - Sora Stairs)
 there's a lot going on right now, between everything that's happening internationally and everything that's happening here at home too. it's tough to keep my head above water, but for the most part, i'm managing.

i mean, it's not a luxurious existence, but it's a working one. we have enough for some good things. and with time, everything is rewarded.

(so i keep telling myself.)

BUT AH. I NEED TO FOCUS. So i think it's time for me to go into my room, close the door, plug in the headphones, and try and focus on writing. i'm just shaking from all the stuff that's happening tonight and sick with the fact that there's nothing i can do other than hope it'll all turn out alright. hopefully something will pop up here soon that's a fundraiser or something because. damn. fuck man, idk i just want to help.

If i didn't need to go pick up my girlfriend in a couple of hours, i'd probably be drinking.
zenelly: (Digimon - You Are My Sunshine)
Alright guys, I think that I'm back for now.

Of course, NDK starts tomorrow, so I might not have too much access to the internet in the next couple of days, but eh.

I'm still not going to go into what happened, because I'm still not sure what all happened. Needless to say, these past five days have been absolutely insane with the emotional ups and downs and all arounds that my particular circle of friends has been through. Insane, I tell you. One of those situations where you end up just staring at the events that have happened and giving up because you're too tired and frustrated to deal with it.

But it didn't happen directly to me, just to one of my closest friends, and because of that, we all sorta got involved. At least on the periphery, which hurts almost as much as being straight in the middle.

I still haven't written anything between getting cosplays ready and dealing with the fallout, but I'm hoping that I'll have around an hour today to get at least SOMETHING written on paper.

Hold me to it, guys.

Also, what would you think about doing your first fic in a fandom for a holiday exchange thing? Think someone should get more of a hold on the characters first?
zenelly: (Ken - Stressing)
HOW IS IT THAT THE ONE DAY I NEED TO WRITE FIC IS THE ONE DAY THIS WEEK WHERE I'M COMPLETELY OUT OF OFFICE BECAUSE I'M RUNNING AROUND DOING THINGS?????

No, I'm completely serious. It is Zemyx day, and I WILL HAVE FIC, DAMN IT, but the only time I've had to write/plan any of it has been ten minutes of furious texting between me and my Captain at lunch and the five minutes it took me to write that texting in a word document in all caps.

That being sai, I have the WORLD'S MOST FANTASTIC idea for a fic. SO. I am off to write that in the ... hour and fifteen minutes I have left at work. We'll see how far we get.
zenelly: (Forget about Me)
I just... Guys, I am seriously in tears right now. I've had a long week and it's only half over. I'm leaving my home (college) to go back to somewhere that I don't quite belong in anymore, my mom is here, I'm listening to Kingdom Hearts music (which always makes my heart hurt), and this... Jesus, not all of these are sad tears.

F-list, however small you may be: I NEED YOU TO WATCH THIS RIGHT NOW.. Because really, none of us are against this, and this hits all of the right chords.

Now we can just hope that someone out there listens.


Also unrelated, but my friends and I have started up a YouTube channel called "The L Squad Advice", which is going to end up being us talking about sexuality and relationships and all of that fun stuff, so if you're interested, I'll put up a link.
zenelly: (Mello - Export)
Alright, it's been my bad for being so out of pocket recently. School work has been absolute hell. (Seriously, I mean, I have six classes on my schedule, two of which are labs. Next week, I have four finals. In the upcoming week and last week, I will have had four tests and five projects due. Including studying for finals. Fuck my college, for real. It is a sad day when I'm excited for my internship.)

But! ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT STRESS!!

My mom.

Ahahah, my mom.

Is coming up to college.

To stay with me.

DURING FINALS WEEK.

TO CLEAN MY GOD-AWFUL MESSY APARTMENT AND SUBTLY CRITICIZE ME FOR NOT DOING IT MYSELF.

Because I need more stress during finals.

So, look, guys, I haven't even written a word of the April one-shot. Unfortunately, at this point, I don't even want to try. And the worst part? I have all of these words thrumming inside me and I want to share them, but I can't. I can't even begin to try. Because if I do, they stop at my fingertips and retreat further inside my marrow where they can't see dayshine.

The point of all of this is to inform you that will write the Gypsy!Demyx oneshot. I swear to you, I will. But it will come out in May, not April. Because I just... I can't, okay? I feel terrible, but I can't. I've tried.

But better news? I did finish TTB chapter 3, you'll notice. I know that not much has happened yet, but I promise that it will? It's not much, I know, and I'm sorry.

AUGH, ALRIGHT, sorry for the whining! I'm off to study and frantically clean and hide the things I don't want my mom to see, since she thinks I am the little pure baby and she could not be more wrong!
zenelly: (FF8 - Squall brood)
It's strange sometimes.

For the past two days, I've been in a very bad mood, for reasons I'm sure all the female watchers I have will understand. I get touchy and prickly and in general, I just seem to not do well with anything negative.

(During this time, I also try to avoid replying to reviews, because if I happen to read a concrit one or a bad one, I don't want to be a bitch to them just because I'm in a bad mood.)

But Something my roommate Tyna said last night actually hurt. And it still hurts.

She doesn't like fanfiction anymore.

She doesn't want to read it anymore.

And that just really doesn't make sense to me, because this is my Captain, who was the only person during my summer internship that I could rely on being awake when I needed to text someone to stay sane (because Pixie, though she's my beta, sleeps late). She's the first one who told me that TTB sounded interesting, and she was the one who put up with all of my rambling texts that were seven texts long and mostly incoherent depending on my level of caffeine. And she doesn't like fanfiction anymore.

I don't understand why that hurts. It almost feels like she insulted a little part of me. And that's just silly. I mean, it's not like our friendship is based on fandom. But I like it when my friends like the things I do. I liked knowing that if I sent her something, she would read it. But now she won't.

I'm not too sure what to do about this, and I think I'm just being silly, really....

*siiiigh*

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Zenelly Raen

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