Stuff and things

So I finished and submitted an original story to a contest the other day.

I'm still not really sure if that was the right thing to do. Like, I know that it really can't hurt me, but at the same time, it still doesn't feel real at all. I don't feel like it's done. I feel like I should be able to just go back and keep working on it and expanding it, and I'm such a sucker for immediate feedback that I'm just.... antsy over not having heard anything.

I showed it to a few friends, but only one of them had the time to read it, and that was before it was done, so I didn't even get any feedback that way because I was running out of time.

I don't know.

I'm just really nervous because I (as always) want people to like it, and I'm not sure it was good enough for that.

okay the other thing

 Sorry, I forgot this too but, like, thinking back on it.... just... finishing that project and sending it off, as weird and unreal as it feels right now, it... felt really good.

Getting it done, and spending the last few days before I sent it off just working on that and that alone pretty much felt so good. I'm usually pretty proud of my writing. I know it isn't bad stuff, I just also know that I have a lot to work on. I'm proud of the skill that I've honed and refined and worked on over the last few years, and I can see improvement, but it really doesn't feel like it sometimes, and that is such a large discrepancy that it bothers me a lot sometimes. 

I dunno.

It just cemented the fact that writing is what I want to aim for in my career. More than engineering, I want to continue being a writer. If, for the time being, I have to do both, that's fine.