zenelly: (KH - Sora Stairs)
 there's a lot going on right now, between everything that's happening internationally and everything that's happening here at home too. it's tough to keep my head above water, but for the most part, i'm managing.

i mean, it's not a luxurious existence, but it's a working one. we have enough for some good things. and with time, everything is rewarded.

(so i keep telling myself.)

BUT AH. I NEED TO FOCUS. So i think it's time for me to go into my room, close the door, plug in the headphones, and try and focus on writing. i'm just shaking from all the stuff that's happening tonight and sick with the fact that there's nothing i can do other than hope it'll all turn out alright. hopefully something will pop up here soon that's a fundraiser or something because. damn. fuck man, idk i just want to help.

If i didn't need to go pick up my girlfriend in a couple of hours, i'd probably be drinking.
zenelly: (Digimon - You Are My Sunshine)
You might have noticed that I didn't post anything NaNo related. That's because I got stuck on the part I was writing, so I just time-skipped until I knew what was going on.


So I'll just leave off on the posting until I like a description or a passage or something.

Another thing. It has come to my attention that I'm a pretty bad LJ friend. I mean, I have a few people who take the time to comment on my fics, and I don't comment back on theirs ([livejournal.com profile] theplumtomato, bb, I love you, I just have a case of permanent shyness, and I'm getting over it) even though I read them.




shit, forgot what I was going to say.


but that wasn't what I was going to say.

Right, I promised all you fic people that I'd post the request fics that I've written here, didn't I. Well. Let me get on that, hm?
zenelly: (Digimon - You Are My Sunshine)
Alright guys, I think that I'm back for now.

Of course, NDK starts tomorrow, so I might not have too much access to the internet in the next couple of days, but eh.

I'm still not going to go into what happened, because I'm still not sure what all happened. Needless to say, these past five days have been absolutely insane with the emotional ups and downs and all arounds that my particular circle of friends has been through. Insane, I tell you. One of those situations where you end up just staring at the events that have happened and giving up because you're too tired and frustrated to deal with it.

But it didn't happen directly to me, just to one of my closest friends, and because of that, we all sorta got involved. At least on the periphery, which hurts almost as much as being straight in the middle.

I still haven't written anything between getting cosplays ready and dealing with the fallout, but I'm hoping that I'll have around an hour today to get at least SOMETHING written on paper.

Hold me to it, guys.

Also, what would you think about doing your first fic in a fandom for a holiday exchange thing? Think someone should get more of a hold on the characters first?
zenelly: (Submit)
There are some no bueno things going on right now.

like, seriously not good things.

I'll get back to you guys when everything straightens out a bit more, okay?


Love you all.
zenelly: (Demyx - Exasperation)
So I have the ability to create polls, and since I've been... hit with an extreme case of writer's block, I will have YOU GUYS decide what I should work on most next. (I haven't written anything since the last chapter of TTB. Not a single thing. I've been moving into my college apartment, but still.)

[Poll #1773177]

If you vote on this, I will also take it as implicitly stating that you just want me to post SOMETHING.
zenelly: (SPN - Castiel Headtilt)
Not dead, just busy, I swear.

ONE MORE WEEK OF WORK. It turns out that I miscalculated last week. I leave work next Thursday. (Hopefully, I won't have another fiasco with that whole "accidentally leaving the porn flash drive at work" thing like I did last year.) SAN JAPAN THIS WEEKEND, SUPER EXCITE!! I might get to see [livejournal.com profile] pandapplesaurus there, too! *waves* I'll be the person dressed normally with a Red Scout and N Harmonia on Friday and with Dib and Zim on Saturday. (N will be back on Sunday, but I'm not cosplaying this con. Too little time, too much to do)

Um. I'd love to say that I've been writing, but that would be a bare-faced lie. I haven't written a word of anything outside of fleshing out some ideas since last ... Thursday. What in the world have I been doing in the meantime (as I *cough*erroneously*cough* assume you're wondering)?


Like, reading a lot of fic for fandoms that I've just let stew for a while. Especially you, Inception fandom, hello there THard and JGL and all of the sexy that comes along with you. *cough* That aside... There's one thing that I've been noticing a lot of. In fics, in general, not just Inception fics, and I'm not exactly sure how to go about talking about it.




As in, getting off on recieving pain, etc etc, you all read fics, you know what I'm talking about.

I don't... I don't like how it's portrayed in fics, because for me it's not an accurate description. (It's like reading the parts in blowjob fics where the author mentions teeth-on-cock during the blowjob, and I have heard from multiple guys, straight, gay, bi, that that does not, in any way, feel good.) Because I am a masochist. Things that should register as pain for other people turn me on. Whipping and what-have-you. *handwaves*

That's not the important part.

The important part is the fact that in all these fics, I keep hearing about the pain aspect of it, or the fic is told from the pain-giver's PoV. (and I can bet that anyone reading this is going to be like "...but Zene, it's MASOCHISM, hello PAIN" but see, that's where you're wrong.)

For me, I don't feel pain. Like, I CAN feel it. Certain things, like hot glue or cuts, do register as pain normally. I stub my toe and that shit is PAINFUL. But on the flip side, I can also (this is a true story) get my lanyard caught on my desk and it will drag across the back of my neck, giving me a small case of ropeburn on my neck and causing me to have to sit at my desk for a few minutes while I try to get my breathing back under control and my eyes are having trouble focusing because that felt so good.

But the point is that, while getting the ropeburn was a painful thing, I never actually FELT any of it. I didn't actively feel pain, I just registered it as "rough texture, feels good" and it was hard enough that it felt REALLY good.

So really, my point is that I don't know if any of the people writing the fics are actually masochists, because I'm not always sure that they know how it really feels. Because, let me tell you, pain does NOT come into it. IF there's a bit of a bite to it, it doesn't feel any different than someone dragging their nails across your skin. A tiny little counterpoint that really just gives a more definite LOCATION for where the pleasure is.


I am totally writing a Seifer/Hayner fic where Hayner's a masochist. It's mostly going to be me exploring how best to explain my own masochism (because, hey, everyone's different, maybe other people DO feel pain? Maybe I just have a really high threshold? I don't know) in terms of fic. Also because Seifer/Hayner is my go-to pairing when kinky shit is about to go down, because I can't get a plotbunny for them to save my life, but DAMN do those boys want to get into bed with each other.


TL;DR, I'm writing a porny fic with Seifer/Hayner because I am dissatified with general fandom portrayal of masochism.
zenelly: (KHR - Kiss)
1. Comment with "Give me liberty, or give me death!"
2. I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you.
3. Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people.

1. An online friend starts to hit on you, ask you out, etc. How do you get him/her to stop?
Aha. Ahahahaha. Um. Typically? If it's creepy and I suddenly find myself not wanting to interact with said online friend AT ALL anymore? I'll just very quietly block them and drop them from my friends list. If it's not creepy/I'd rather keep them as a friend, I'd ask them about it and then politely let them down. If I wasn't interested, that is.

2. You're given the chance to go back to any time, any place. When/where do you pick and why?
Oh jeez. Um. Anywhere in the world before people showed up. Actually, specifically, Virginia before the English landed. Or the Black Hills before anyone showed up. I'd love to see unadulturated landscape.

3. Favorite quote?
Oh god, you keep picking things that I have multiple answers for. Here, let me give you the top ones that I can remember.
"The eternal quest of the human being is to shatter his loneliness." - Norman Cousins
"Not you any more shall be able to foil us, or withhold yourselves from us/ We use you, and do not cast you aside—we plant you permanently within us/ We fathom you not—we love you—there is perfection in you also./ You furnish your parts toward eternity/ Great or small, you furnish your parts toward the soul." Walt Whitman - Crossing the Brooklyn Ferry (Which I prefer by its original title of Sun-Down Poem)
"We love what we love. Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect." Kvothe - Wise Man's Fear
"Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts. There are seven words that will make a person love you. There are ten words that will break a strong man’s will. But a word is nothing but a painting of a fire. A name is the fire itself." Elodin - Name of The Wind
"It was the patient, cut-flower sound of a man who is waiting to die." Narrator - Name of the Wind

Alright, I think I should stop there. Otherwise, we'd be here all day. I'm not joking. At home, I have a document full of quotes. Just be glad it's not here with me right now.

4. The world's about to end and you only have time to play one video game. What do you pick?
Shit. I have to pick ONE? ....Actually, I'd pick Final Fantasy 8. I've never finished it, so the world would never end. ^^ But seriously, either that or Mass Effect 1 or 2

5. Melody or lyrics?
This is a tough one to answer. I play violin, you see, so I believe in the power of music to move people without words (not to mention that I listen to so much music that is in different languages so it's not like I understand most of it). But I also think that lyrics have the ability to punch people straight in the heart and make them BLEED for the song for how true it is.

Case and point, Being Alive from Sondheim's Company. (JFC, I'm serious, go watch it. Particularly Raul Esparza. He does such a fantastic job on it.)


Jun. 29th, 2011 10:17 am
zenelly: (Ouran - Evil Grin)


And here is the reason why. Cut because the text gets ... a little raunchy )


Jun. 15th, 2011 07:03 am
zenelly: (Inception - Footsies)
Guess who forgot her flashdrive that has all her fics on it!

*points at self*


Ah well, luckily there are fic prompts for me to get working on. ([livejournal.com profile] xtorchlightx, your prompt won't be one of those because I had parts of it written on said flash drive. I'm sorry... *sweatdrop*)


zenelly: (Default)
Zenelly Raen

June 2017



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